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I guess the simple point I'm making is that hugging and kissing has become the norm, not the exception, between men and this reflects a growing acceptance in society that male relationships can be, in fact are, physical.Ĭould things ever reach the stage where two heterosexual friends, in a very close and highly intimate moment, actually kiss, maybe even have sex without fear of believing themselves to be gay? There's certainly plenty of women that do.
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My brothers, my father and my stepfather all kiss me on the cheek and hug me when we greet. Kissing and hugging have replaced the handshake between male friends and relations. Most people are still outraged by the idea of two men kissing, even though the act seems utterly harmless and benign. Soap screenwriters aren't having men kiss each other because society is becoming more accepting of the gay sex act rather they know the media attention it will get and, in turn, the ratings boost. Maybe this is part of the reason we're seeing new taboos broken, with an Archers gay kiss or a long Todd Grimshaw snog on Coronation Street, though I fear we haven't moved on. It's interesting that, for many straight men like me, once you break the idea of gay sex down to simple holding, tenderness and affection, it doesn't really seem that bad. From what I understand, the opposite can often be true. Maybe that is why men are so terrified of gay sex because they immediately assume it must involve painful penetration. More to the point, it didn't involve anal sex. I always remember reading the gay sex scene in Another Country when I was 18 and thinking that it was the most beautiful and romantic thing I'd ever read. I had to make it clear that sex was what was happening in the darkness so, for this, I found James Baldwin to be an inspiration. I could just see myself receiving the Bad Sex in Fiction award.īut I couldn't be too enigmatic. Nothing could have been worse than overfilling the scene with (porno) graphic detail I didn't understand. I understood that the best writing leaves the most to the reader's imagination so I deliberately kept it sparse. Unsurprisingly, I think the sex scene between Sean and Michael is the shortest chapter in the book. They also say that writers should use their imaginations. They say that writers should base their work on experience. So, if I wanted to write about male love and not allow it to be interpreted as just male friendship, Sean and Michael had to have sex. The only thing that has kept the love that I have felt for these male friends strictly in the realm of friendship has been sex, or rather, the lack of it. More to the point, I have definitely felt emotionally more intimate at times with some of my male friends than some women with whom I have had sex. I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I might be 20 per cent gay and 80 per cent heterosexual. I understand that we are all sexual beings, probably not wholly one thing or another, but that percentages probably orientate sexuality. But, having said that, I am sensitive to being gay. I should probably make it clear, as much for my wife, children and every male friend I have, that I'm not gay. I wasn't just writing about male friendship I was writing about male love. I tried to allude to the intense male bond Michael and Sean shared with all the usual laddish motifs - cracking gags, drinking beer, watching football, ogling/ sleeping with women - but it didn't work. The simple reason for Sean and Michael having sex is that, although my book, White Ghosts, ostensibly dwells on a love triangle between two Western men and a Eurasian woman in Hong Kong, the real love affair is between the two men.įor a long time I circled the issue as one of those knowable unmentionables. Thinking about it, I suspect that that is only half the truth. And the only response I've managed to come up with so far has been: 'I wanted to do something on male friendship.' That, along with numerous gags and vaguely homophobic banter, has been the reaction of many, though not all, of my male friends.